And when they made Sirius Black, they gave him four and a half cups instead of a teaspoon.

>D

Lily: So. I’ve been thinking. Sirius’s birthday. Now I know you always buy him cool presents and you’ve known him for so long and he’s your best friend and everything, but I had this idea I wanted to share with you and feel free to tell me it sucks, but hear me out first, I mean, I just think he’d like it, but I do understand if you want to buy him something completely different and ten times more awesome - 

James: [smiling] Tell me.

Lily: [takes a deep breath] Okay. You know how he always says he doesn’t need a helmet when driving his motorcycle because he’s too cool for it and he’s not afraid of falling down and dying like a hero? And how I then tell him I’d much rather he wore a helmet and fell down and not died at all? Yeah well, I actually realized it’s not that he has anything against helmets per se, it’s just that if he wore a helmet nobody could see his - to quote Sirius - foxy face while riding his bike. So. Guess what I stumbled upon in Diagon Alley yesterday? An invisible helmet. 100% concussion-proof and 100% transparent. That way he gets to keep his life and nobody’s deprived of his foxiness, which is kinda weird to say ‘cause I always associate him with dogs rather than foxes. Anyways. I thought maybe we could, I mean if you think it’s a good id- 

James: [genuinely enthusiastic] It’s perfect, Lily. He’ll love it. 

Lily: Yeah? 

James: Yeah.

”I don’t want to talk to you,” she got out, her voice constricted. “Why not?” He said, having sat across from her in the train compartment. “Tooney hates me. Because we saw that letter from Dumbledore.” Another few tears dripped down from her eyes. “So what?” She glared at him before speaking. “So she’s my sister!” She reached up to wipe the tears away, missing Severus’ comment: “She’s only a —” He started over. “But we’re going! This is it! We’re off to Hogwarts!” The exhilaration evident in his tone was infectious, and Lily gave him a small smile. “You’d better be in Slytherin.” And now, the two boys in the corner spoke up, letting themselves be known.

“Slytherin?” The boy stopped, waiting for Lily and Severus to look at him, before continuing. “Who wants to be in Slytherin? I think I’d leave, wouldn’t you?” He asked the boy lounging on the seats across from him, who answered blandly, “my whole family has been in Slytherin.” The first boy looked surprised. “Blimey! And I thought you seemed all right!” This time, the second boy grinned. “Maybe I’ll break the tradition. Where are you heading, if you’ve got the choice?” The first boy lifted an invisible sword, his chest puffing out just a little. “Gryffindor, where dwell the brave at heart! Like my dad.” Severus made a grunting sound, and the boy turned toward him. “Got a problem with that?” Severus, sneering, answered, “No. If you’d rather be brawny than brainy – “ The second boy shot in a comment here, making James burst into laughter: “Where’re you hoping to go, seeing as you’re neither?” Lily however sat up finally, glaring at the two boys. “Come on, Severus, let’s find another compartment.” As they left, the boys mimicked her voice and the first tried to trip Severus, calling after them, “See ya, Snivellus!”

Remus and Sirius live in a small flat in London. The place is a mess because Sirius is too lazy and Remus has stopped caring. Photos of their friends can be found all over the house because they like to watch them whenever the weight of the war sets in. Their favorite picture is the one of James and Lily from the couple’s wedding and that’s why it’s placed in the living room - the room they spend the most time in. They also have an old photograph of Remus and his father on the shelf. It’s the only displayed picture of either of the late Lupins because seeing them makes both Remus and Sirius sad. The rings next to the picture used to belong to Remus’s parents and the boys wear them sometimes when they’re feeling silly or romantic.

The other objects on the shelf are souvenirs that Peter has given them while the plant on the small table is a gift from Lily. The boys feel guilty about having let it die, but Lily says she doesn’t mind. The guitar is an old Christmas present from Sirius to Remus and it’s always in the living room even though neither of them can play more than a couple of chords.

Sirius has a bad habit of writing and drawing on the table, but other people don’t understand why Remus makes such a fuss over an old, worn furniture like that. He says that it’s a matter of principal. The boys are often told that they should look for a better place or at least buy new furniture, but they just laugh and say that all they need is a bigger sofa.

Remus is looking at all this and thinks of how lucky he is.

HNNNNG I CANNOT EXPLAIN HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS PICTURE.

James was flirting with Lily again, but Sirius levitated a bucket to fall on his head. Yep.

lolol just your average day, nbd.

oh my god look i changed the staff pictures.

LOOK AT SIRIUS’ FACE OH MY GOD OH MY GOD -DYING-

creepypotterfanart:

More James and Lily getting it on behind bushes with Snape in the foreground

by koenta

jiorwhgihrg SIRIUS

oh my god i cannot explain my love for this in words ghieghiewhgeg

After instructing him to please take all of that back home, she dodged his questions about what she was going to do and dashed into the first place she found that served food. Sirius was behind her a little ways, but not far enough, so she sat at the first table she could reach that had an empty chair. She had gotten enough of a look at the table to see that it wasn’t empty, but she figured the lone person wouldn’t balk too much at her intrusion, especially considering as soon as Sirius was past she’d happily go find her own table.

“Could you please laugh like I just said something outrageously funny?” Despite the fact that spoke, her gaze stayed locked on the people milling about outside the walls… and it was only when Sirius appeared, peering in, that she turned her gaze to her companion….

and turned as red as her hair.

“Er… Moody….” What else was there to say? She’d just sat down at a table with a highly respected (if a bit loony) Auror, Order member, and wizard and asked him to laugh like she’d just said something funny.

What the hell were the odds that she’d pick the one place in Muggle London he’d be at? And the same exact table?

It was Muggle London!

“I’m really sorry for intruding on you…” She could still feel the heat on her face and the back of her neck,  but she risked another glance at the window where Sirius had been, only to see that he wasn’t there anymore. Her ploy had worked, but unfortunately it had left her with consequences she definitely had not counted on.

Like eternal embarrassment.

“Sirius was with me, and you know how he is, and he kept asking questions about everything so I sent him home but he didn’t want to go so I ducked in here and just sat down… I wasn’t expecting you, obviously —”  she paused, wincing at the insult she hadn’t meant to say. She took a deep breath, trying to remember the last time she’d been this flustered, and tried again. “Not that I mind that you’re here, of course. I just wasn’t expecting you to be in Muggle London.” After a brief hesitation, she continued on with a quiet question, “why are you here, though? It can’t be your usual dining place.”

Though she supposed if it was, that could be construed as an insult as well. But really, with her face flaming and her sitting at a table with Alastor Moody in the middle of Muggle London, she figured she shouldn’t be too worried about insulting him. What she should be worried about was him  deciding her appearance was no accident and figuring she was really here to kill him.

fuckyeahmaraudermadness:

Potters’ Wedding Photo by Achen089

“Black!” The shout echoed throughout the hallway, alarming the portraits who had been undisturbed but for the footsteps and mutterings. “Black, you bloody imbecile! If you don’t get out here right now I swear to Merlin I’ll rip you apart limb from limb and then feed you to Potter’s bonkers owl!” Portraits were vacated as the redhead (from all outward appearances but for the scowl on her face) calmly walked down the hall.

The picture of a serenity, until she opened her mouth.

“Oh, Black, you better never come out of hiding aga—” As she turned a corner, a hand covered her mouth and she was jerked back against a solid wall… No, not a wall, she figured. Walls didn’t have arms and legs and skin, and they certainly didn’t radiate heat, either.

So some bloody person had practically yanked her arm off, and by the feel of it, it was definitely not a female. Great. All she wanted to do was torture Black and here she was dealing with a decidedly horny male.

“Blimey Evans, I don’t see what all this shouting is for.”

She should have known. Who else but him would be appear in empty hallways that Black had just walked down? After a moment’s pause, she did the only thing she could, considering the situation — she opened her mouth and bit his hand.

“Ouch — Lily!” Whirling on him, she took in his appearance in a single glance; glasses askew, hair mussed, tie missing, wince. Even when she was angry, just a look at James made her want to forget why she was angry in the first place. That was definitely a disadvantage when she was angry at him, but this time she wasn’t. This time she wasn’t angry at James. This was different.

“Don’t you dare stand here and give him a chance to escape.” Though James continued to rub the spot on his hand she had bit, the wince was gone as his spine straightened and he shifted to stand in the middle of the hallway. Bloody soldier.

“Lil, you do realize that you scared the portraits, right? I mean, blimey, Lily, the portraits!” Scowling, she stood her ground. He was only a few inches taller than her, thanks to her dad’s height, so she didn’t need to feel dwarfed… though of course, there was the fact that he was lanky but still extremely male. He was stronger than her, when it came down to physical strength.

So she’d just have to make sure it didn’t come to down to that.

“James, that prick decided he’d take it upon himself to teach me about sex.” She wasn’t surprised when James answer was a look of bewilderment. “He sent me a picture of a penis, James. With a lovely little quote on the bottom stating it wasn’t drawn to size — your size — and that even if it were, his is much bigger.” So perhaps that was exaggerating just a tiny bit, but if it would get him to let her pass, then she figured it’d be worth the lie.

“Now, Lily, I don’t know what’s gotten into his head but is that really a reason to wage a war?” His hands were held out to her, palms up, and she scoffed at the peace-making.

“I’m not a bloody virgin, y’know. And even if I were I don’t need him tossing penises at the back of my head!” James nodded agreeably, though she figured if it weren’t for the whole ‘bigger than his’ comment he wouldn’t be quite so happy to agree. Males and their stupid pride.

“If it makes you feel better, I’ve had a vagina left under my pillow, in my truck, in all of my school books, and in one unfortunate case, on the back of an essay I turned in to Slughorn. They were all labeled.” For a second she could see the horrified look in his eyes, but then it was gone again. Always a peace-maker first, when it came to her and Black. A friend and a boyfriend second.

One had to appreciate that, despite the annoyances.

“Well that’s your problem. He’s your friend. I, however, don’t even like him so I don’t see why he needs to educate me.” James rolled his eyes, and she resisted the urge to stomp her foot. It didn’t matter by now anyway. Sirius would be long gone, so the least she could do was have it out with James instead.

“Because you’ve said yes, Lily. You’re mine, so he’s gone ahead and deduced that the only other people we’re going to be shagging is each other. Which, by the way, is the way it is, in case you needed that clarified.” Determination was what was in his eyes now, and she figured she deserved that. Keep a bloke waiting for years and he was bound to be a bit possessive.

“If we’re only going to be shagging each other for the rest of forever, I don’t see why he needs to educate us. We’ve spoiled each other for anyone else. He should bugger off and let us muck through on our own.” He crossed his own arms, and it didn’t take a genius to figure she’d said something wrong.

“First off, there will be no ‘mucking,’ Lily. We don’t muck. Second, we were spoiled for anyone else years ago. You’re just slow on the uptake. And third… well, I don’t think there was a third.” He paused, eyes shut for a moment before they opened and he continued. “Wait, third. Third, in his twisted way, he’s just being a friend. Sort of. Actually, he’s just being Sirius. You shouldn’t feed him to my owl for that.”

“You heard that?”

“Sound carries, yeah.”

After a moment, she sighed and did the only thing she could do at that point. Give in the temptation of letting her anger go. Instead of continuing the hunt for Sirius Black, she walked into the arms of the bloke who’d ruined her for anyone else.

Sirius could wait, as long as there were no more damn penises.