Holy mother of interior design.. Give me.
It’s a bed…with a ladder!
GIVE IT TO ME NOW OH MY GOD
“Actual conversations with my 2 year old daughter, as re-enacted by me and another full grown man - Episode 1”
why the fuck cant we text the police
lets say there is a murderer in ur house and you’re hiding behind your sofa and you do have your phone with you but you can’t call the police because the murderer might hear you
Here in Canada you can
Here in England we just… scream and run
Here in Scotland we paint our faces and run towards the murderer
Here in Australia you are the murderer
i hate this site
jeg har ledd i førti år av denne her
one time this girl in my biology class got expelled for doing pot in the girl’s room, and my biology teacher said, “why was she messing around with that stuff?”
and this guy said “she does it to lose weight”
and my teacher just sat down and put her head down for a second before saying “it makes you hungry. it. makes. you. hungry.”
This was the last thing I saw before I died
3 of my favourite people.
I love Lemony Snicket. I love my wife. I love them in very different ways.
No, that wasn’t what I meant at all.
Everyone SAYS they want a fairytale wedding but when I show up and curse their firstborn suddenly I’m a jerk.
as she’s about to give you a handjob, yell “PULL THE LEVER, KRONK!”